HP Fan-fic där en Imperiused Dudley hoppar av en byggnad
Jag läste den här väldigt roliga Twitter convo där någon upptäcker att de faktiskt har läst en fanfiction-version av Harry Potter och Phoenix-ordningen. Det är blodigt roligt, jag gråter från att skratta så mycket!
First part:
A: So Dudley dies in Harry Potter right?
B: Do you want him to?
A: No I just got to the part where he was killed but Julia didn't remember that so I just want to make sure I'm not reading some weird fan fiction
B: Uhhhh
B: What book are you on?
A: Finishing up order of the Phoenix
B: He doesn't di in order of the Phoenix
B: Are you serious?
A: He doesn't jump off a building?
B: What the heck, no.
B: I guess it's not a huge spoiler, but he doesn't die at all.
A: What the what?! You're trolling me
B: No, I'm not. Dudley doesn't die. In fact as the books go on, he gets almost no screen time. Why is he jumping off a building?
A: He was placed under the imperious curse and made to jump off his school
A: By the rat guy
B: Uh, I don't know what you're reading but it's not the order of the phoenix.Second part:
B: Did you get all your books from the same place?
A: It was all of them in one collection. Maybe it segued into the sixth?
B: No, that never happened in the books
A: Dudley is never forced to commit suicide
B: Nope
A: And I assume the scenes where Harry and hermione get intimate?
B: Ok, now you're trolling me
A: Nope
B: There's no sex in Harry Potter
A: Wizarding age of consent is 15
A: What?! The order of the Phoenix was full of it!
B: In the real order of the phoenix Harry is barely able to kiss a girl for the first time, and it's not Hermione
B: At no point did you think, wait this seems kind of weird for a kid's book?
A: ARE YOU SERIOUS?
A: I mean I'd heard they got more mature and dark as it went on
A: Okay, so I think I know what the answer is going to be, but did Draco and Ginny fake a rape scene?
B: No
B: I can't even...
B: I'm laughing so hard I'm crying
B: Ok, I'm going to need you to give me a rundown of everything that's happened so far in these books.
A: What sick freak wrote this?!?!
A: OMG
Fan-fic detaljer:
- Dudley blir placerad under Imperius Curse by Wormtail
- Orsakat att begå självmord genom att hoppa av en stor byggnad *
- Harry och Hermione blir intima *
- Draco och Ginny fake en våldtäktsscen *
- Harry driver mycket och blir muskulöst
- En professor (kanske Snape) ger ut morgonen efter potions
- Harry har en släktdjur som kallas "Cassandra" eller "Cassie" för kort
- Ormar har "synen" och kan se in i framtiden
- Ju större ormen, desto längre in i framtiden * [de kan se]
Mer detaljer finns i Twitter-konvojen som nämns ovan om det behövs. Asterisker markerar de poäng som tas ordentligt från Twitter-konversationen.
Vad är Harry Potter Fan-fic?
1 svar
Jag tror att det är Harry Potter och den psykiska ormen av Barb LP, som kan vara hittades på FanFiction.net , och hittade även efter denna tweet vilket också bekräftar att det är Harry Potter och den psykiska ormen (Kredit till SQB och ibid)
Blurb är:
Alternate Harry's 5th yr. He gets a snake who has the Sight. Romantic entanglements, Animagus training, house-elf liberation, giants, Snape's Pensieve and more!
Det finns en tweet av SMS-konversationen här:
Vilketärhämtatfrånkapitel20, "Dark Deeds"
I kapitel 31, "Legacy"
Then Harry was crying freely as he leaned against the door and thought, If only I'd read it yesterday! If he had, he could have alerted Dumbledore and Sirius to the danger Dudley could be in, Sirius could have Apparated to Dudley's school, found Wormtail, kept him from putting Imperius on Dudley...
Dudley dör genom att hoppa av en byggnad:
He frowned at Harry. "Not me, Harry. Wormtail. He turned up at Smeltings. One of the teachers started keeping him as a pet, or some such thing, and then he was able to get at Dudley..." Harry's heart was in his throat. "What happened?" Dumbledore looked at Harry levelly. "He jumped off the roof of his dormitory. This morning. It looked like a suicide. We think he was under Imperius. Wormtail may be the one who put the curse on him. He's dead, Harry." Tears prickled against his eyelids. "What? But—but we'd just become friends! He—he was all right, it turned out...we were writing to each other regularly..." "And he never mentioned this rat with the silver paw?" Dumbledore wanted to know. Harry shook his head.
Harry får en orm som heter Cassandra :
Well," Harry said again, "my name is Harry Potter. It's what people call you..." he trailed off, unable to put the concept of names into words. "I thought you were called 'lazy git,'" said the snake. Harry realized she had heard his aunt addressing him. "No, no, that's not the same as my name. That's called an insult. It's to be mean. Let's see, you predicted the future and I didn't believe you, so I'll name you—Cassandra."
Den har syn:
"If you have the Sight," Harry said to her, "tell me: will Voldemort be stopped?" "Who?" the snake hissed. "You do not understand. I can only see a few minutes into the future, and only what is right around me. I cannot predict events happening far away. And I get only a glimpse of the future; the larger a snake is the further into the future her sight reaches, and the farther distant."
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